I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
