Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
