Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
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