Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
