I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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