Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
