Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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