Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
