Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
