im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
