wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
