i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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