You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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