i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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