All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
