you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
