Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
