i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
