And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
