There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
