I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize