he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
