She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
