Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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