Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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