you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
