sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
