broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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