I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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