She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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