I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
