hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
