yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
