I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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