I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize