I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I take back everything I said about communal showers
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
