My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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