I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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