Are we in a gay sports bar?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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