Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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