I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
