I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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