I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
