i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
