if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
