There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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