i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
