Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
