mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
