I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I want to be your penis for a week.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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