I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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