I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
