Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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