I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
