How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
