im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
