It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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