Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
