so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
