i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
