where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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