U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We have started to decorate penises.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
