wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
