Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
