How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
