Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
