I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
