Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize