We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
