he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
